Britany
Do you mind telling us a bit about yourself and what made you decide to participate in
this photography project?
My name is Britany Evans and I have been battling mental illness for as long as I can
remember. I saw the post about the project from Kahri’s page on IG; and I thought, “Hey,
I can help!” I felt like I had a lot of insight on mental illness because I have struggled
with different forms of it for years. So, when I read more about your project and talked to
you about what you were trying to accomplish with it; I thought that it was great. There
are a lot of younger Black girls/women out there who don’t even know what mental
illness looks or feels like; and sometimes we don’t even have the support to get through
it, so I wanted to be a part of that support.
Do you have a mental illness besides depression that you suffer from? Do you ever feel
like that it became a part of your identity? If so, how? If not, how were you able to
separate yourself from your illness?
I have been diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD. Interestingly, I think both came because
of my depression. I think that the anxiety has become a part of my identity that I cannot
escape, yeah…but not the PTSD because I have certain triggers that I don’t experience
every day. My perspective of “self” comes from my way of thinking from my opinions
and ideologies; and how I reflect on my everyday experiences. So, if something doesn’t
go exactly as I planned (I am a perfectionist), I start to feel like a failure and I become
very anxious about my future and disappointed in myself. So, I really had to recognize
that everything doesn’t have to be perfect and kind of learn to talk myself down from the
ledge. This was very hard to do in during the COVID-19 shut down because I slowly
became socially anxious on top of all the other mental illnesses I was dealing with. I had
to re-learn a lot about my boundaries and expectations and stop creating a false reality for
myself absent of who I really am. Now after all of that I proud of being an anxious
individual and no longer ashamed to say, “oh, I struggle with this.”
this photography project?
My name is Britany Evans and I have been battling mental illness for as long as I can
remember. I saw the post about the project from Kahri’s page on IG; and I thought, “Hey,
I can help!” I felt like I had a lot of insight on mental illness because I have struggled
with different forms of it for years. So, when I read more about your project and talked to
you about what you were trying to accomplish with it; I thought that it was great. There
are a lot of younger Black girls/women out there who don’t even know what mental
illness looks or feels like; and sometimes we don’t even have the support to get through
it, so I wanted to be a part of that support.
Do you have a mental illness besides depression that you suffer from? Do you ever feel
like that it became a part of your identity? If so, how? If not, how were you able to
separate yourself from your illness?
I have been diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD. Interestingly, I think both came because
of my depression. I think that the anxiety has become a part of my identity that I cannot
escape, yeah…but not the PTSD because I have certain triggers that I don’t experience
every day. My perspective of “self” comes from my way of thinking from my opinions
and ideologies; and how I reflect on my everyday experiences. So, if something doesn’t
go exactly as I planned (I am a perfectionist), I start to feel like a failure and I become
very anxious about my future and disappointed in myself. So, I really had to recognize
that everything doesn’t have to be perfect and kind of learn to talk myself down from the
ledge. This was very hard to do in during the COVID-19 shut down because I slowly
became socially anxious on top of all the other mental illnesses I was dealing with. I had
to re-learn a lot about my boundaries and expectations and stop creating a false reality for
myself absent of who I really am. Now after all of that I proud of being an anxious
individual and no longer ashamed to say, “oh, I struggle with this.”
Do you have family or friends that you are able to confide in regarding your mental
health? Who makes you feel safe? How has your mental illness affected your
relationships with friends, family, or even work?
I do and don’t. I never confide about my battles with anxiety, depression, or PTSD with
my family because when I finally learned what I was struggling with and started getting
therapy they made me out to be some suicidal “crazy” person…well, my mother did. My
sister Stephanie is probably the only family member I can say, “Wow, my anxiety is on
100 today,” or, “I’m really depressed.” And, although she doesn’t really understand she
always offers to treat me to ice cream or food to make me feel better. My dad as well but
he is gone now. I have two friends, I can call who makes me feel safe and talks with me
about my battles, but I only go to them if it’s bad; I usually deal with things on my own
or through therapy. I call myself a high functioning mentally ill person, so my problems
don’t really reflect tin my professional life. I think that it is reflected more negatively in
my personal relationships. Other than my sister and my friends Kara and Kiaron, other
friends/associates are not as understanding or patient with me. In fact, one of my closest
friends told me to just take medication for my mental health because she was tired of
hearing about what I am going through. That rubbed me the wrong way and made me just
want to shut down even more. Sometimes my mental illnesses can be debilitating, and I
find myself missing out of events because I just can’t bring myself to get up and go.
Rather than being supportive and helping me I feel like my friends and family continue to
tear me down (minus the ones I previously mentioned). I know what you’re thinking,
“why are you friends with them.” I am working on expelling those types of people out of
my life because I think it would better my overall mental health.
Do you feel as if having a mental illness as a Black woman has been somewhat a harder
struggle? Have you experienced the stigma of being mentally ill within the Black
Community?
Of course, I think it’s extremely hard being a Black woman with a mental illness because
the entire idea or trope behind being Black and women is that we are supposed to be
strong. While that trope is harmful, I unfortunately continue to play a role in it because I
have been able to achieve success despite these issues. So, when I talk to other Black
people friends, family, or outsiders about my trials and tribulations its always surprising
to them. Obviously because I never show my weak moments or the moments in time
when I am really struggling to them because I fear I’ll be judged and labeled as weak and
damaged because I have these problems. In terms of stigma, I would say I have been
shunned more from my family than the community. I started experiencing depression
when I was 8 and I went to my mother and told her I really wanted to talk to someone,
she told me that nothing was wrong with me. I think back to that a lot and how I would
have been a different person had she listened to me. When I finally started therapy, I
didn’t tell anybody and when I told my mother she dragged me through hell and back.
My siblings (minus my younger sister) made fun of me, called me crazy, weird, just made
me feel horrible about myself. I sometimes think about the aftermath if I let the things,
they would say get to me…who knows if I would be doing this project right now.
health? Who makes you feel safe? How has your mental illness affected your
relationships with friends, family, or even work?
I do and don’t. I never confide about my battles with anxiety, depression, or PTSD with
my family because when I finally learned what I was struggling with and started getting
therapy they made me out to be some suicidal “crazy” person…well, my mother did. My
sister Stephanie is probably the only family member I can say, “Wow, my anxiety is on
100 today,” or, “I’m really depressed.” And, although she doesn’t really understand she
always offers to treat me to ice cream or food to make me feel better. My dad as well but
he is gone now. I have two friends, I can call who makes me feel safe and talks with me
about my battles, but I only go to them if it’s bad; I usually deal with things on my own
or through therapy. I call myself a high functioning mentally ill person, so my problems
don’t really reflect tin my professional life. I think that it is reflected more negatively in
my personal relationships. Other than my sister and my friends Kara and Kiaron, other
friends/associates are not as understanding or patient with me. In fact, one of my closest
friends told me to just take medication for my mental health because she was tired of
hearing about what I am going through. That rubbed me the wrong way and made me just
want to shut down even more. Sometimes my mental illnesses can be debilitating, and I
find myself missing out of events because I just can’t bring myself to get up and go.
Rather than being supportive and helping me I feel like my friends and family continue to
tear me down (minus the ones I previously mentioned). I know what you’re thinking,
“why are you friends with them.” I am working on expelling those types of people out of
my life because I think it would better my overall mental health.
Do you feel as if having a mental illness as a Black woman has been somewhat a harder
struggle? Have you experienced the stigma of being mentally ill within the Black
Community?
Of course, I think it’s extremely hard being a Black woman with a mental illness because
the entire idea or trope behind being Black and women is that we are supposed to be
strong. While that trope is harmful, I unfortunately continue to play a role in it because I
have been able to achieve success despite these issues. So, when I talk to other Black
people friends, family, or outsiders about my trials and tribulations its always surprising
to them. Obviously because I never show my weak moments or the moments in time
when I am really struggling to them because I fear I’ll be judged and labeled as weak and
damaged because I have these problems. In terms of stigma, I would say I have been
shunned more from my family than the community. I started experiencing depression
when I was 8 and I went to my mother and told her I really wanted to talk to someone,
she told me that nothing was wrong with me. I think back to that a lot and how I would
have been a different person had she listened to me. When I finally started therapy, I
didn’t tell anybody and when I told my mother she dragged me through hell and back.
My siblings (minus my younger sister) made fun of me, called me crazy, weird, just made
me feel horrible about myself. I sometimes think about the aftermath if I let the things,
they would say get to me…who knows if I would be doing this project right now.
What are some positive things or even ‘vices’ that help you through the tough times of
your mental illness? Are there things you used to do that no longer benefit you? Why did
these things help you?
I have so many ‘vices’, I crochet, I paddle-board and hike with my dog, and I read a lot.
Whenever I would feel anxious or stressed, I would create some project (mainly blankets)
and when I completed like 5, I’d donate them to my local shelter. Chick-Fil-A is a bad
vice I had in 2019-2020 when depression was really taking its toll. I called it my
depression food, if I was at Chick-Fil-A then something was wrong; I have given it up
now because I have started utilizing healthier coping strategies. I think that reading and
crocheting helped because it got my mind off my problems and gave me a creative outlet.
On the other hand, paddle-board, hiking, and going to parks gave me access to green
spaces which decreases a lot of the mental distress I experience.
Do you feel proud of yourself for how far you have come with your mental illness?
I lost my dad in 2020 to brain cancer and my sister Maranda to the omicron variant of
Covid-19 in January 2022; despite these huge blows I continue to work on getting better
and creating a healthy life for myself. I am proud of myself. There are some little things
that I wish were less of a struggle for me to do but I have been able to secure a good
future for myself and provide a stabile home for my pets. I think that I am on the up and
up and I feel myself getting better everyday.
your mental illness? Are there things you used to do that no longer benefit you? Why did
these things help you?
I have so many ‘vices’, I crochet, I paddle-board and hike with my dog, and I read a lot.
Whenever I would feel anxious or stressed, I would create some project (mainly blankets)
and when I completed like 5, I’d donate them to my local shelter. Chick-Fil-A is a bad
vice I had in 2019-2020 when depression was really taking its toll. I called it my
depression food, if I was at Chick-Fil-A then something was wrong; I have given it up
now because I have started utilizing healthier coping strategies. I think that reading and
crocheting helped because it got my mind off my problems and gave me a creative outlet.
On the other hand, paddle-board, hiking, and going to parks gave me access to green
spaces which decreases a lot of the mental distress I experience.
Do you feel proud of yourself for how far you have come with your mental illness?
I lost my dad in 2020 to brain cancer and my sister Maranda to the omicron variant of
Covid-19 in January 2022; despite these huge blows I continue to work on getting better
and creating a healthy life for myself. I am proud of myself. There are some little things
that I wish were less of a struggle for me to do but I have been able to secure a good
future for myself and provide a stabile home for my pets. I think that I am on the up and
up and I feel myself getting better everyday.