.Do you mind telling us a bit about yourself and what made you decide to participate in this photography project?
My name is Candice Jones, a 27 year old from Maryland. I’ve battled with mental illness from a young age but wasn’t diagnosed until 2014 - my young adult years. I decided to participate in Dejah’s project because Black women are rarely given a space to discuss our experiences with mental illness. When I saw Kahri post this on IG, I thought this would be a wonderful space to share my experiences.
Do you have a mental illness besides depression that you suffer from? Do you ever feel like that it became a part of your identity? If so, how? If not, how were you able to separate yourself from your illness?
I suffer from depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. In 2014, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It was not surprising. I always knew I suffered from both illnesses.Although it’s not a mental illness, I was also diagnosed with A.D.D. during childhood. ADD is a neurodevelopmental disorder which causes my depression and anxiety to worsen and become more noticeable. ADD also causes issues with an eating disorder I have - but never talked about until this project. A number of people with ADD/ADHD also suffer from mental health issues. My mental illnesses became a part of my identity early on, especially with how noticeable my symptoms are. I always felt as though people had to worry about me which made interactions quite difficult. I recently learned that I’m not my mental illnesses or learning disability. I believed it was impossible to separate my issues from myself, I am my issues - they’re apart of my identity. However, through a tough and continuous journey with self-love, I realized that although I suffer from these illnesses, they do not define me. I started focusing on who I am, truly. There are still rough days where I feel consumed by my depression and anxiety; however, I learned how to manage the tough days
My name is Candice Jones, a 27 year old from Maryland. I’ve battled with mental illness from a young age but wasn’t diagnosed until 2014 - my young adult years. I decided to participate in Dejah’s project because Black women are rarely given a space to discuss our experiences with mental illness. When I saw Kahri post this on IG, I thought this would be a wonderful space to share my experiences.
Do you have a mental illness besides depression that you suffer from? Do you ever feel like that it became a part of your identity? If so, how? If not, how were you able to separate yourself from your illness?
I suffer from depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. In 2014, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It was not surprising. I always knew I suffered from both illnesses.Although it’s not a mental illness, I was also diagnosed with A.D.D. during childhood. ADD is a neurodevelopmental disorder which causes my depression and anxiety to worsen and become more noticeable. ADD also causes issues with an eating disorder I have - but never talked about until this project. A number of people with ADD/ADHD also suffer from mental health issues. My mental illnesses became a part of my identity early on, especially with how noticeable my symptoms are. I always felt as though people had to worry about me which made interactions quite difficult. I recently learned that I’m not my mental illnesses or learning disability. I believed it was impossible to separate my issues from myself, I am my issues - they’re apart of my identity. However, through a tough and continuous journey with self-love, I realized that although I suffer from these illnesses, they do not define me. I started focusing on who I am, truly. There are still rough days where I feel consumed by my depression and anxiety; however, I learned how to manage the tough days
Do you have family or friends that you are able to confide in regarding your mental health? Who makes you feel safe? How has your mental illness affected your relationships with friends, family, or even work?
My parents are the only family members who are aware of my battles with depression and anxiety. I am thankful they offer comfort and support, sometimes. I am not very open with them about my struggles. I mostly confide in my friends. I feel safest with friends because we all rely on each other and accept one another. A lot of the issues which I deal with, my friends have also experienced. Since they experience similar issues, they know how to help. They emphasize healthy coping, which I appreciate. Mental illnesses have affected my relationships greatly. With depression and anxiety, I become extremely overwhelmed. Therefore, I barely talk to my family regardless how much I think about/miss them. It takes a lot for me to pick up the phone. It’s the same way with friends, which causes a lot of my friendships to become strained. I think about others a lot, but won’t reach out - it’s either because I’m too anxious to reach out after a long period of time because I think they will hate me or because I’m battling with depression and don’t want people to know so I remain silent. With work, I learned how maintain a decent enough work ethic so supervisors/co-workers wouldn’t be concerned. I maintain my work ethic but my co-workers and supervisors typically find an issue with me not being social. When it comes to rough mental health days, I started becoming comfortable with taking leave when needed and not feeling guilty. I’m thankful I have a job in which I can take sick days and not have to explain.
Do you feel as if having a mental illness as a Black woman has been somewhat a harder struggle? Have you experienced the stigma of being mentally ill within the Black Community?
I feel as though having mental illness as a Black woman has been a harder struggle. In my opinion, Black women are ignored and it’s more difficult to access the resources we need for recovery. There’s so many layers to why we are ignored - either it’s ignorance, people thinking thinking we’re lazy or overreacting. People say, “get a therapist” but it’s not that easy - it’s not a snap of a finger. It’s been difficult finding resources such as, therapists and groups who understand and are willing to listen. Society does not give us the same sympathy and care as others. There are rarely any safe spaces for us to be vulnerable although we’ve expressed numerous times the issues we face as Black women - even within the Black community.
My parents are the only family members who are aware of my battles with depression and anxiety. I am thankful they offer comfort and support, sometimes. I am not very open with them about my struggles. I mostly confide in my friends. I feel safest with friends because we all rely on each other and accept one another. A lot of the issues which I deal with, my friends have also experienced. Since they experience similar issues, they know how to help. They emphasize healthy coping, which I appreciate. Mental illnesses have affected my relationships greatly. With depression and anxiety, I become extremely overwhelmed. Therefore, I barely talk to my family regardless how much I think about/miss them. It takes a lot for me to pick up the phone. It’s the same way with friends, which causes a lot of my friendships to become strained. I think about others a lot, but won’t reach out - it’s either because I’m too anxious to reach out after a long period of time because I think they will hate me or because I’m battling with depression and don’t want people to know so I remain silent. With work, I learned how maintain a decent enough work ethic so supervisors/co-workers wouldn’t be concerned. I maintain my work ethic but my co-workers and supervisors typically find an issue with me not being social. When it comes to rough mental health days, I started becoming comfortable with taking leave when needed and not feeling guilty. I’m thankful I have a job in which I can take sick days and not have to explain.
Do you feel as if having a mental illness as a Black woman has been somewhat a harder struggle? Have you experienced the stigma of being mentally ill within the Black Community?
I feel as though having mental illness as a Black woman has been a harder struggle. In my opinion, Black women are ignored and it’s more difficult to access the resources we need for recovery. There’s so many layers to why we are ignored - either it’s ignorance, people thinking thinking we’re lazy or overreacting. People say, “get a therapist” but it’s not that easy - it’s not a snap of a finger. It’s been difficult finding resources such as, therapists and groups who understand and are willing to listen. Society does not give us the same sympathy and care as others. There are rarely any safe spaces for us to be vulnerable although we’ve expressed numerous times the issues we face as Black women - even within the Black community.
What are some positive things or even ‘vices’ that help you through the tough times of your mental illness? Are there things you used to do that no longer benefit you? Why did these things help you?
Staying occupied especially during bad days help me the most. I enjoy picking up new hobbies or learning about others hobbies. On the healthier side: I enjoy reading, gaming, going to parks/being outdoors, making herbal blends for teas, and blasting music. Now, the vices that help me are: eating chocolates (especially kit kat and covered pretzels), wine & cocktails, satisfying food cravings, and obsessing over “what if” apocalypse scenarios. I quit a couple a of “coping” mechanisms that were dangerous: self-harm, drinking without moderation, and a few others. I took a while for me to quit the more unhealthy coping mechanisms. With self-harm, focusing on treating wounds became my priority rather than what caused my depression or anxiety in that moment, it was a distraction. Everything seemed minuscule afterwards. However, at the end of the day, I was still harming myself - so I decided to stop and it’s been almost 4 years!
Do you feel proud of yourself for how far you have come with your mental illness?
I’m extremely proud of myself for how far I’ve come and how much I was able to care for myself. I was able to quit self-harm and become more open about my struggles with mental illness. It’s a continuous process, I still want to find help and more coping mechanisms, but I am proud. Years ago I was unable to discuss my issues and be transparent. I am now able to talk about my depression, anxiety, eating disorder without shame.
Staying occupied especially during bad days help me the most. I enjoy picking up new hobbies or learning about others hobbies. On the healthier side: I enjoy reading, gaming, going to parks/being outdoors, making herbal blends for teas, and blasting music. Now, the vices that help me are: eating chocolates (especially kit kat and covered pretzels), wine & cocktails, satisfying food cravings, and obsessing over “what if” apocalypse scenarios. I quit a couple a of “coping” mechanisms that were dangerous: self-harm, drinking without moderation, and a few others. I took a while for me to quit the more unhealthy coping mechanisms. With self-harm, focusing on treating wounds became my priority rather than what caused my depression or anxiety in that moment, it was a distraction. Everything seemed minuscule afterwards. However, at the end of the day, I was still harming myself - so I decided to stop and it’s been almost 4 years!
Do you feel proud of yourself for how far you have come with your mental illness?
I’m extremely proud of myself for how far I’ve come and how much I was able to care for myself. I was able to quit self-harm and become more open about my struggles with mental illness. It’s a continuous process, I still want to find help and more coping mechanisms, but I am proud. Years ago I was unable to discuss my issues and be transparent. I am now able to talk about my depression, anxiety, eating disorder without shame.