Tria
Do you mind telling us a bit about yourself and what made you decide to participate in this photography project?
When I saw the title my mind was instantly made up. I wanted to be part of a program that was aimed at BLACK women's path to recovery and coping mechanisms with mental illness. I thought the manner in which the project was taking place (photoshoot and interview) were 'familiar' and felt like one I would be comfortable with sharing. I also knew the project would give me anxiety and push me out of my comfort level .
Do you have a mental illness besides depression that you suffer from? Do you ever feel like that it became a part of your identity? If so, how? If not, how were you able to separate yourself from your illness?
Yes I have Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, and am Provisionally Bipolar II. I do feel it's a part of me, but perhaps not my identity. The illness plays a large part in my healing nature and the holistic work I do in my business, and I feel pushed to do more and address more aspects of mental illness in myself. I use a mantra to separate my illness from me- I am not my Depression. I am not my trauma. I take the wisdom and experience from the past (Depression/PTSD) and utilize it to my best ability. I stay present in the moment and do not worry about anything but where I am at right now ( Anxiety)
When I saw the title my mind was instantly made up. I wanted to be part of a program that was aimed at BLACK women's path to recovery and coping mechanisms with mental illness. I thought the manner in which the project was taking place (photoshoot and interview) were 'familiar' and felt like one I would be comfortable with sharing. I also knew the project would give me anxiety and push me out of my comfort level .
Do you have a mental illness besides depression that you suffer from? Do you ever feel like that it became a part of your identity? If so, how? If not, how were you able to separate yourself from your illness?
Yes I have Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety, and am Provisionally Bipolar II. I do feel it's a part of me, but perhaps not my identity. The illness plays a large part in my healing nature and the holistic work I do in my business, and I feel pushed to do more and address more aspects of mental illness in myself. I use a mantra to separate my illness from me- I am not my Depression. I am not my trauma. I take the wisdom and experience from the past (Depression/PTSD) and utilize it to my best ability. I stay present in the moment and do not worry about anything but where I am at right now ( Anxiety)
Do you have family or friends that you are able to confide in regarding your mental health? Who makes you feel safe? How has your mental illness affected your relationships with friends, family, or even work?
Most definitely. Many of us struggle with some kind of mental illness in a capacity, even those affected only by Seasonal Affective Disorder. My partner and best friends always hold space for me to vent, cry, be sad, blah, or express the moments where I feel ready to simply fade away. My mood swings and irritability, as well as not wanting to talk at all affects my connections sometimes, but most of those within my circle and tribe know I depart from social events from September - March. Within work, I take a mental health day or late mornings/early afternoons to rest and improve my mental outlook. I am very transparent with my mental illness and those I work with are understanding and accommodating- I actually used to work for a woman who suffered from MDD also, and she allowed me to take a designated day off every other Friday, and to work overnight sometimes (between 1200-4 am) because my insomnia would keep me and I would nap throughout out the day. I am grateful for that.
Do you feel as if having a mental illness as a Black woman has been somewhat a harder struggle? Have you experienced the stigma of being mentally ill within the Black Community?
Absolutely. Black women are the epitome of doing it all- we are expected to maintain the image of strength and nurturing energies. It's hard to find a therapist I relate to or feel understood by at times, because even if I have a women therapist, there are still microaggressions and small prejudices that exist. I was fortunate to be raised in a house where even if it wasn't fully acknowledged/resolved, depression was worked around. I have experienced being told that nothing is really wrong with me because I looked and functioned fine , because I had been carrying on with my usual duties of work, home, being a mom, but deep down I wanted to drive off a bridge. People do not understand high functioning depression and mental illnesses. Also many black people either don't believe in therapy(because that means admitting something is wrong) or they believe it can all be prayed away, and I used to be ridiculed for not agreeing with that.
Most definitely. Many of us struggle with some kind of mental illness in a capacity, even those affected only by Seasonal Affective Disorder. My partner and best friends always hold space for me to vent, cry, be sad, blah, or express the moments where I feel ready to simply fade away. My mood swings and irritability, as well as not wanting to talk at all affects my connections sometimes, but most of those within my circle and tribe know I depart from social events from September - March. Within work, I take a mental health day or late mornings/early afternoons to rest and improve my mental outlook. I am very transparent with my mental illness and those I work with are understanding and accommodating- I actually used to work for a woman who suffered from MDD also, and she allowed me to take a designated day off every other Friday, and to work overnight sometimes (between 1200-4 am) because my insomnia would keep me and I would nap throughout out the day. I am grateful for that.
Do you feel as if having a mental illness as a Black woman has been somewhat a harder struggle? Have you experienced the stigma of being mentally ill within the Black Community?
Absolutely. Black women are the epitome of doing it all- we are expected to maintain the image of strength and nurturing energies. It's hard to find a therapist I relate to or feel understood by at times, because even if I have a women therapist, there are still microaggressions and small prejudices that exist. I was fortunate to be raised in a house where even if it wasn't fully acknowledged/resolved, depression was worked around. I have experienced being told that nothing is really wrong with me because I looked and functioned fine , because I had been carrying on with my usual duties of work, home, being a mom, but deep down I wanted to drive off a bridge. People do not understand high functioning depression and mental illnesses. Also many black people either don't believe in therapy(because that means admitting something is wrong) or they believe it can all be prayed away, and I used to be ridiculed for not agreeing with that.
What are some positive things or even ‘vices’ that help you through the tough times of your mental illness? Are there things you used to do that no longer benefit you? Why did these things help you?
I utilize a lot of different coping mechanisms and vices. I am very smoke friendly, including 420, but also herbals - chamomile, blue lotus, skullcap, rosemary, the list is endless. I pour that energy into creating teas and herbal products. Spending time alone, without having to explain or talk helps me reset, and calm my inner voices. Petting or cuddling with my fur-baby helps stabilize me emotionally. In terms of vices....smoking, sometimes enjoying too many margaritas, or shopping sprees. Whether a vice or coping mechanism, they helped me calm down (manic episodes) or lift my funk when depressed. I also use hands-on mechanisms to help with anxiety and focusing only on the exact present moment I am existing in on this plane.
Do you feel proud of yourself for how far you have come with your mental illness?
Yes. From alchemizing the energy into creative and healing ventures, to just finding better coping mechanisms, and affirming myself, trying to stay consistent with therapy, and not allowing my trauma or past to hold me back. I still have moments because I am a work in progress, but I am IMMENSELY proud of myself.
I utilize a lot of different coping mechanisms and vices. I am very smoke friendly, including 420, but also herbals - chamomile, blue lotus, skullcap, rosemary, the list is endless. I pour that energy into creating teas and herbal products. Spending time alone, without having to explain or talk helps me reset, and calm my inner voices. Petting or cuddling with my fur-baby helps stabilize me emotionally. In terms of vices....smoking, sometimes enjoying too many margaritas, or shopping sprees. Whether a vice or coping mechanism, they helped me calm down (manic episodes) or lift my funk when depressed. I also use hands-on mechanisms to help with anxiety and focusing only on the exact present moment I am existing in on this plane.
Do you feel proud of yourself for how far you have come with your mental illness?
Yes. From alchemizing the energy into creative and healing ventures, to just finding better coping mechanisms, and affirming myself, trying to stay consistent with therapy, and not allowing my trauma or past to hold me back. I still have moments because I am a work in progress, but I am IMMENSELY proud of myself.